In our transitional society, children tend to slip in and out of friendships quite easily.  With relocating being the “norm”, children are constantly falling in and out of social situations, such as school, clubs, church and other organizations.

Every once in a while, though, children will make a connection with a peer that seems to be something deeper than just your classmate-friendship.  These close relationships are ones that tend to stand the test of distance and time and are most notable from about fifth grade and up.  Long distance friendships require work, though, to keep them up.  Here are some pointers to helping your older child keep those friendships that mean so much to him or her:

• Give them a call.  With so many calling plans today offering free or flat-rate long distance, allow your child to make a call every now and then and touch base with an old friend.  It doesn’t have to be for long – just a few minutes to say hello and find out what exciting things are going on with their friend.
• Remember birthdays.  Send a card or even a small gift for a birthday or holiday.  Make a homemade card with a handwritten note inside.  Remembering special days is a great way to keep up with friends.
• Make a point to schedule a visit if you are ever back in the area (or your friend is visiting close by).  Pick a neutral area, such as a park or a fast food restaurant so both parties are on “equal territory”.  If possible, arrange a mini-vacation for the kids.  When I was in junior high, my best friend and I were five hours apart.  I would spend a week at her house in the summer, and then she would spend a week at mine.  Those summers are probably my most favorite memories growing up. 
• As the parent, be aware of the status of the friendship.  If there is some friction, help your child address it.  Perhaps it is time to let the relationship end and revisit it later.  Be an open and unopinionated listener for your child when things just don’t seem “right”.

A couple of weekends ago, my husband and I took our sons for a little day trip.  We took a leisurely drive through the Texas Hill Country to the place where it all started, our college alma mater.  It was Homecoming weekend, and even though it wasn’t a time-honored reunion year for us, we still felt compelled to go, enjoy the picnic lunch and once again walk our boys around the same grounds that my husband and I met each other.

We do this every year.  We load up the boys on a Saturday morning, take a drive up the NAFTA Highway, and spend the day at a tiny college.  The boys love it.  The grounds are beautiful, there is plenty of room to run and play, we always manage to get there “just in time” for the parade, and lunch is always delicious.  But, it is the little conversations that we share with our children that make the day special.  It is here that we walk around the same buildings, the same trees, and the same streets that we did, oh, 16 years ago.  And while we walk, we talk.

“Remember that Volkswagon Microbus that guy Matt drove?  And it would only go in reverse?”

“Oh look!  This was my mailbox for four years!”

“Man, I spent many a night supervising that dorm floor.”

“Do you remember the Great Pie War?  That was a blast.”

“Look!  Now they have a REAL Frisbee golf  course!  No more making up your own!”

Our boys love it.  They get a glimpse into the past – THEIR past.  This college is where my husband and I met (and dated and broke up and dated and broke up), where we made our lifelong friends, where we determined the course of our future.  They ask us questions, such as “What’s that building?” or “Where did you eat/sleep/study/watch TV?”  or “How come there are so many crickets here?”  And, we are happy to answer those questions.

It is a way of sharing our family history.  OUR family history.  The boys look forward to this pilgrimage every year.  It is a day we spend sharing tidbits of our past with them.  I encourage you to do something of the like.  It doesn’t have to be a college homecoming or a reunion of any formal kind, but find a place that is special to your family and share it with your children.  Spend a day exploring and remembering a time gone by, a time before the kids came.  It is the stuff memories are made of.