It has been a long, hard road, but we finally crossed the bridge into Big-Boy-Pantsland.  My younger son is almost four, and I wasn’t sure he would live to see his next birthday at the rate we were going.  While my first son was Mr. Compliant, Number Two taught me some valuable lessons in potty training.

First of all, each child is his or her own person, and the more you honor and acknowledge that, the more eager and ready your child will be to “do the right thing”.  Once I backed off the potty-pressure, he was on his potty-game, as long as it was on his own time.  And this is where I probably had the most trouble: learning to trust my three year-old to KNOW when he needed to go to the bathroom.

Our son had huge issues with bowel movements.  It was obvious he didn’t like them because it would be DAYS before he would finally go, usually accompanied by abdominal cramping and pain.  Since it was quite a horrible experience for him, he didn’t want to go again and would, once again, hold it for several days before finally giving in.

We tried so many things with him - radical techniques like holing up in the bathroom until he would finally relent to bribery with little chocolate bars.  Each trick worked about once and then we were back at Square One.

What finally worked for us was a series of revelations and a bit of intervention.  We came to realize that:

• Our child was his own person and needed to learn this on his own.
• Our child did not want to be “singled out” by bribes or stickers.
• Our child knew what the potty was and how to use it. 

Then we intervened.  It was a radical move, but it worked for us.  We added a teaspoon of the age-old remedy, Castor Oil, to a serving of his favorite side dish: applesauce.  He spooned that applesauce down like usual, and by the next day, he was easily experiencing bowel movements.  He has not had one accident in the five weeks since we added that ONE TEASPOON of Castor Oil.  It was a little “push” that he needed to get on track.

That’s not to say everyone should run out and buy Castor Oil to get your child to go on the potty.  The timing has to be right.  The development level of the child needs to be appropriate.  There are other alternatives as well that work.

Please comment and leave any tips or stories you’d like to share about your potty training experiences.  Each one is unique, and that is how we all learn what works for our own child; by trying what has worked for others.

If there is one part of child-rearing that I absolutely would outsource, it is potty training.  There are no clear rules to potty training.  No perfect age, no best method, no sure-fire absolute way.  Each child is different.

Case in point:  I have two boys, ages 8.5 years and 3.5 years.  Both of them are very different, but not as much as their toilet learning experiences.  What worked for my older son was the antithesis of my younger’s son’s experience.  And, it isn’t just with siblings.  Potty training ANY child is a unique experience.  It is a game of try-and-see, what works, what doesn’t, and learning to be flexible.  It is about recognizing the teachable moment, and it is about letting go when something isn’t working.

My older son was Dream Potty Training Child.  Right before his third birthday, I said, “Hey, let’s sit on the potty!”  He happily complied, produced a positive result and we were on our way to Potty Performance stage.  He had maybe three accidents after that first experience.  He was rewarded with a Skittle candy when he went on the potty for a short while, and then we moved on to stickers and a behavior chart.  Once the chart was filled, he got to choose his favorite Thomas train to add to his collection.

Enter child #2.  Last year, he was approaching three years, and I said, “Hey!  Let’s sit on the potty!”  I was met with a resounding “NO!”  Oh, really?  I thought.  Surely this child just doesn’t understand the rules of Potty Training In Our House.  So, up on the potty he went, where he promptly cried so hard he almost vomited. 

Potty training the second child wasn’t QUITE what it was with the first one. 

We tried everything.  He chose his own little potty (we didn’t have a little potty with our first one - he just went on the big boy potty from Day One).  He chose the rewards he would get (Hershey Kisses and trains).  He picked out about four dozen pairs of underwear in every conceivable character.  We cheered, we begged, we bribed…and he cried.  He wanted nothing to do with the potty.

After going through this too many times to count.  We gave up.  We bought the mega-pack of diapers, conceded to ourselves that we would simply be filling up the landfills more rapidly than we intended, and we stopped pushing.  In fact, we stopped altogether.  We didn’t ask, we didn’t mention, we didn’t breathe a word about the potty.

Then, about three weeks ago, our younger son announced one morning as I dressed him for school that he was ready to sit on the potty.  His exact words were, “Mommy, I go to sit on the potty now, pwease.”  I suppose I was taken aback by this comment, out of the blue and totally unprovoked, because after a stunned few seconds he said, “Mommy - NOW!” 

We flew into high gear.  I hoisted him onto the big potty (the little training potty was in another room, holding a plethora of stuffed animals) and told him to fire when ready.  And he did.  The smile on that boy’s face was as big as the tub!  We cheered, had a congratulatory Hershey Kiss, and got dressed.  We called the relatives, let them know of our accomplishment, and that was all that was said about it.

Two hours later, he approached me again.  “Mommy, let’s go to da potty - NOW!”  And again.  And again, and again, and again.  By the end of the day, he was in his Big Boy Underwear, had eaten about a half dozen Kisses and was telling anyone who would listen about his feat.

Since then, we’ve given away the diapers.  We’ve had maybe four accidents, but he never makes an issue of it and is eager to get back on the Potty Train.  Potty training this child was completely different from the first - he trained himself.  And sometimes, that’s the easiest way of all.

We are about to embark into the land of “all things potty-related” at my house.  My 2.5 year old is almost ready.  He asks about the potty, he watches his big brother, and he tells us when he’s gone.  The signs are there.

 There is no right way to potty train a child.  Some people believe you should wait until the child fully makes that move themselves, and some think you should start as early as infancy.  I’m not here to debate the two schools, but I want to share with you my experience with my older son and what is to come with the little guy. 

My older child was an easy train.  We started a week before his third birthday, and by the time the big day came, we were in big boy pants, using pull ups for naps and bedtime only.  My opinion of pull ups back then wasn’t very high; we used them for the first six days of training and he did excellent until he had an accident in one and realized how diaper-like they were.  That’s when the pull ups went away (except for the aforementioned sleep times).  I was at home with him, so it was a leisurely, quiet time with just us to get him trained.  We used Smartie candy as a reward (one per successful trip) and all was well.

Enter child #2.  Things are a bit different now.  I work part time, we are out of the house quite a bit, and slowing down to learn to use the potty is not that high on my priority list.  However, back in May, he had a keen interest in the potty, wanted to sit on it, would go at bathtime and pretty much anytime you sat him on it, so we went for it.

And failed.

We failed miserably.  After a few days of cheering and gummy bears (his choice of reward), the crying started, and the holding, and the protesting, and the accidents.  It just wasn’t worth it.  He was two and a half, and this was NOT what potty training was supposed to be like.  So, we did what every “expert” tells you NOT to do; we pulled out. 

My younger son is now in diapers again and a very happy, well-adjusted little boy.  He still goes on the potty at bathtime, and on a whim you can catch him and he’ll go.  But, he’s just not ready.  He will be - soon, I hope.  My new “plan” is to try around October, just as he’s getting ready to turn three.  We’ll be in a pretty solid routine by then, and I sense he’ll do quite well with it.  One thing I will do differently this time around, though, is invest in a potty chair.  While we didn’t have one with our first son, I can see this as a pretty valuable tool to becoming self-sufficient on the potty.  Not only is it important that the child is able to undress themselves to go to the bathroom, but they also need to be able to get to the potty on their own.  Little potty chairs are perfect for such an event.

You can check out some adorable potty chairs on Wonderbrains…and don’t limit yourself to just thinking of them as a potty when the training is over…they make a great plant stand, too!

So, what are your successful potty training hints?  Share with the rest of us in our comments section!