In what my husband would call “typical boy fashion”, we have moments at the table of which I am not proud.  Moments of bodily noises, discussions that tend to curb many an appetite and, in general, not the greatest manners on the block.  So, to encourage my boys to be better behaved at dinner at home, I tried a few ideas.  My thought is, if we practice good manners at home, we’ll have an easier time remembering them when we’re out or at a friend’s house.

While none of these are the end-all, beat-all solution to teaching your children manners, they are some great ideas to encourage that kind of behavior.  Of course, the best solution is consistency and modeling.  If you want good manners, then SHOW good manners, and ENCOURAGE good manners.  These ideas lend themselves well to that theory.

1. Make it a tangible award.  We recycled an old trophy of my husband’s to be our “Manner Trophy”.  Each evening (you could also stretch it out over the course of a week with older kids), we present one child with the Manner Trophy for outstandingly good manners at the table (or the most improved for those that aren’t quite there but are trying really hard!).  That child gets to temporarily keep the trophy until the next award ceremony.  Old medals and ribbons also work well for this.
2. Make it a game.  We made a list of rules we wanted our boys to follow while eating a meal, such as “elbows off the table” and “thank the person who prepared the food.”  At the beginning of the meal, each person at the table is given 10 of an object, such as 10 toothpicks or 10 pennies.  During the course of the meal, if someone spots a violation of a rule, he (or she) may politely ask the offender for a toothpick or penny.  The winner of the game is the person with the most objects when the meal is over.  We try to make the “prize” something simple, like a sticker or another little treat, but as a family we try to make it an all-around tie so everyone wins!
3. Give out simple rewards.  This works well with younger children because the reward can be almost immediate.  Write out on slips of paper some simple rewards, such as reading an extra book at night or playing a board game or getting an extra fifteen minutes before heading to bed.  The rewards can be specific to each child.  Place each child’s reward slips in a special jar or container (we use recycled spaghetti jars labeled with the boys’ names).  When mealtime goes well and the kids use their good manners, each gets to choose a reward slip from his jar.

As adults, it is our responsibility to teach young children what it means to be a good citizen.  It is our job to show them how to take care of others and the community - a skill that will last throughout their lifetime.  Here are some great ideas to try as a family:

1. Having a party?  Ask the guests to bring donations to Blue Santa, the Food Bank, a children’s shelter or another non-profit group.  Our son is having a “pet party” next year to collect food and pet supplies for our local animal shelter. 
2. “Adopt” a neighbor.  Have your child check on the neighbor from time to time, draw pictures and share little snippets of his or her day.  Older neighbors who aren’t feeling well, are unable to leave the house or live alone will appreciate something fresh and different in their daily routine from time to time.  If your child chooses to share cookies or something similar, though, check for dietary restrictions first.  Sometimes just playing a card game or helping retrieve the mail is a wonderful gift for an older person.
3. Have a “Fashion Show”.  Have your child model all of their clothing, and together decide if it still fits or should be donated to a worthy organization.  Then have him/her choose the charity to donate and take him/her along to give away the clothes.
4. Teach your child to share his or her talents.  If your child is taking music lessons, offer a “free concert” for some neighbors.  Or, if younger children are around, allow your child to read to one of them.  Likewise, read to older adults as well, especially those with poor eyesight or in a nursing home.  If your child has a special interest or hobby, have him or her share it with another child or a close adult.

There’s only so many meals I can handle where the menu is on a light-up board next to the kids’ meal prize pictures or the playground is just out the door.  I can only take so many meals in boxes and ketchup from a pump dispenser on the counter before I say ENOUGH!  Mama needs a REAL restaurant experience!

The fact is, our kids can benefit from a “real restaurant” experience as well.  It is the perfect venue for teaching proper dining etiquette and manners.  While working on those skills at home is extremely important, sometimes going out in the “big people” world of eating gives children the chance to “practice what we preach”. 

Going to a sit-down restaurant takes a bit of planning.  Plan on going early, not during prime dining time.  Remember that there will need to be time to be seated, to order and for the food to be prepared before the actual eating will take place.  So, if children are used to eating at 6, plan on being at the restaurant around 5:15 or 5:30. 

If you suspect your crew may be a rowdy group that night, ask the hostess to seat your party in a more secluded place, such as a corner or towards the back.  Or, ask to be seated near other families, as they will be more understanding of any exuberant behavior from your table.  Many restaurants will take the initiative and plan to seat families in a common area, and while I used to take it personally, I completely understand and enjoy sitting around other parents who are experiencing the same thing.

The time between ordering and actually eating can seem like a lifetime for a small child.  Plan on a couple of quiet toys for little ones or even a small snack to hold them over, such as crackers, carrot sticks or trail mix.  Avoid sugary snacks as children will be less likely to be interested in dinner when it arrives after enjoying candy or cookies.

Older children can also have a tough time waiting.  Pack a small notepad and pencil to keep on hand.  Kids will enjoy drawing pictures or playing tic-tac-toe.  Make your own dot-to-dots or mazes for kids to solve, and have older children design one in return for you.  WonderBrains has an excellent assortment of toys and products that are ideal for taking to restaurants, such as a Baby Whoozit for little ones and brainteasers for older kids.  The key is to find something that doesn’t make a lot of noise and can be easily transported.  We also save certain toys and puzzles specifically for restaurant use.  That way, our children don’t grow tired of the toy before we even get to sit down.

Remember that if the experience turns sour, it is okay to leave the restaurant.  We have all been there at some point, and sometimes it is simply better for everyone to step away and try again later.  The key, though, is to plan on doing it again.  Persistence pays, and with time, children can learn to enjoy a lovely evening where the menu doesn’t include the words “value size”.

We were very blessed to live close to our extended family for the first four years of my older son’s life.  He grew up among grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and so many other relatives that a village really and truly raised him.  When he was four, though, our family made the decision to move several hours away.  It was a GREAT move, but we sorely missed our family.

There are several things we have done to keep in touch with our family.  And, when kids are young, it is important to keep those communication lines with family open and moving.  Children can benefit greatly from the influence of positive role models and close ties with family.  Children can learn how families and communities work and rely upon each other by being a part of an active and close family, even when they are physically miles away.

1. Pick up the phone - especially if you have a great calling plan!  Use cell phones or land lines, whichever has the best “deal” and make it a point to talk at least once a week.  Grandparents and other relatives will love hearing about school and friends, and kids will enjoy remembering the great things that have happened during the week.  Another great phone idea is to put everyone on “speaker”.  Kids can be part of the greater conversation, and you can help nudge kids past the “Uh huh” and “fine” answers. 
2. Smile!  Put a camera in the hands of your child and have him or her document a day.  Maybe a picture of breakfast, the school bus, or even a walk around the block are just the things the family wants to see.  Photos can be emailed or mailed; have your child either dictate or write a description of the photos to share with others.
3. Go online - create a family website for family members to log on and check in with the family.  There are several hosting sites that are private.  Myfamily.com is a good source, and blogger.com can be set to private as well.  This is my personal favorite; my family has a blog, and it has been an invaluable way for our parents to share in the lives of our children.
4. Encourage the grandparents (and other relatives) to reciprocate!  Relatives can read a favorite book over the phone to share with your child.  Or, ask them to send a note or postcard from time to time.  Children of all ages love getting mail, and a note every now and then will let your child know that they are thought of.

I know it is hard to believe, but here comes Christmas!  And, with the dawn of the holiday season looming in front of us, it is time for me to get busy on our traditional ornament purchase.

Each year, since the birth of our first son, we purchase an ornament for each child, one that suits their year.  For my older son’s first Christmas, it was an engraved silver cradle (he was 4 months old at the time).  For his second, a glass yellow duckie, just like a bathtub duckie that he loved to chew on and play with.  The following Christmas brought a snowman ornament as we experienced our first snow that year, and then came the line of baseball Santas, soccer Santas, football Santas - whatever the sport du jour was for the year.

With my second son, we honored his first Christmas with the same silver cradle, engraved with his name and birthday.  Each subsequent Christmas brought items similar to his brother’s: a Santa ornament, a tricycle ornament, and last year, a puppy ornament.  Each year marked with a special ornament to help spark those memories of some wonderful occurrance during the year.

It is a tradition in our family, this ornament-of-the-year bit that we’ve started.  And, it makes for a wonderful collection.  Collections can be just about anything.  When I was born, my grandmother started an add-a-pearl necklace for me: each year, she added a pearl until I was eighteen.  When I got married, I wore those pearls with my wedding dress.  It is a sentimental and irreplacable collection of memories of my grandmother as well as memories of each year that the pearls mark. 

What special items, if any, do you collect for your child?  Baseball cards?  Photographs?  Ticket stubs from events?  Share with us some of your favorite ideas for remembering those fleeting childhood days with your children.

For my Mother’s Day gift when my older son was three, he created a stepping stone in his little preschool class.  It graces our front flower bed and greets everyone as they walk to our front door.  And, it is a constant reminder of how little he used to be (and how big he is now, six years later).  Creating stepping stones is an easy project that makes a sentimental and one-of-a-kind gift.

Start with a large container, shaped as you would like your stepping stone.  Ours was created in the saucer of a large flower pot.  Old baking pans (9×9 or even large pie pans) work well, too, depending on the size of hands or feet you intend to impress into the stone.  Other materials are handy to have around as well: glass stones or large beads, pretty rocks or other items to set in the cement, perhaps a twig or other pointed object for writing in the cement should you choose to chronicle the event with a date or name.

Purchase a bag of ready-mix cement and mix enough to fill your container about 2/3 full.  Reading the directions on the package is essential, as each brand has their own instructions and setting time.  Allow the cement to set somewhat, then impress whatever objects you would like into the forming stone.  Hand prints work well as do footprints (be sure to wash right after pressing into the cement).  Let the child decorate the stone with pretty beads or other objects; don’t press them INTO the cement, though!  Let them sit on top so you can still see them.  Any writing needs to be done before the cement is completely set.

This is a simple project but is a great gift for grandparents, parents, close friends and other relatives.  Repeat it year after year to create a collection of stepping stones, chronicling your child’s growth through the year.  It is a unique and beautiful addition to any landscape!

We’ve been hit with a huge change in our house this past week: my laptop, my beloved sidekick, essentially died a horrible death.  Or, it is at least out of commission for the time being.  Not even the Blue Screen of Doom could find its way to my laptop last week.  Just a hint: if you think your motherboard is going out - BACK UP EVERYTHING.  Thankfully, my machine was under warranty and was shipped off to Fix-My-Computerland for a makeover.  Or the dumpster.  We’ll find out one way or another in a few days.

In the meantime, I’m essentially computerless.   My husband does have a laptop through his office, but that is what it is for - his OFFICE.  Not my office or the kids’ games.  I’ve had to learn how to strategically check email and pare down to the bare minimum of computer-related tasks to complete while my baby is being reconfigured.

One thing I have noticed, though, is the changes that have occurred in my house this week.  Okay, maybe not huge changes, but differences between life with my computer and life without it.

First of all, my younger son naps a long time!  Wow!  I had no idea he slept that long.  It always seems much shorter when I’m racing around to get computer-related stuff done during naptime, like Spider Solitaire and Bejeweled (you know, the important stuff).  I got half of my house cleaned during naptime yesterday.  That would be the same house that takes me all week to clean otherwise.  Who knew?

Also, did you know that we actually have time to ride bikes and play board games after dinner?  I had no idea!  Usually, time after dinner is spent playing online (adults and/or children - we have Webkinz to feed, you know), but with the lack of computer this week, we’ve headed outdoors to visit neighbors, take a few spins around the block, and whip out Candyland.  I had forgotten we even had Candyland.

Speaking of games, instead of hearing the bickering over who’s turn it is on Lego.com or who gets to spin the Wheel of Wow in Webkinzland, I see my boys, giggling over their latest “cootie”.  I see my older son, teaching my younger one how to play Yahtzee or Memory.  And, their latest game has been to build a “town” in the backyard (heaven help my flower beds this week!).  Out of what?  Imaginary bricks.  Yep.  And a lot of imagination.

Technology is not a bad thing, don’t get me wrong.  My children have benefitted greatly from online resources and educational sites.  I would never deny them the opportunity to explore things we typically don’t get to see in Texas.  The computer, and the Internet, open innumerable doors for our children.  It is a great tool to use in educating and schooling our children.

But, time together is equally important and beneficial.  The key is to find the balance of the two.  Where does technology fit in with your family?  Is there balance?

This week, I was asked why I had my almost 4 year-old enrolled in our local gymnastics program.  After all, he also attends preschool for three mornings each week where I teach.  Socialization isn’t an issue for him.  And, it isn’t like I have oodles of time in my day that I am just looking for things to do.  However, I do see a huge benefit to programs such as preschool gymnastics, as long as they are conducted in an age-appropriate manner.

Our program is slightly pricey, but it is within a mile of my house.  This is our second year to be enrolled in this gymnastics program.  We go once a week for an hour, and my son is now at a level where he is on the “floor” with his teacher and classmates and not in a Mommy-and-me class.  I have the option to stay (which I do) and watch from a second-floor balcony level or to run an errand or two.

The reason I keep with this program is that I can see a huge difference between my first child’s motor skill development and my second child’s motor skill development.  While children certainly cannot be compared “apples to apples”, there are things that my second child does that are definitely more skilled than my first child’s.  The most important lesson my younger son has learned is how to fall and fall gracefully.

My first child did not understand the concept of falling for a long time.  Being a first (and for a while, only) child, I was constantly with him, there to catch him when he stumbled or hold him up if he teetered.  By the time my older son was of preschool age, he wasn’t necessarily clumsy, but he did have a few tumbles that were pretty rotten.  And, I feel that it is mostly because he simply didn’t understand how to fall without hurting himself.  He didn’t know how to catch himself or roll into a fall like my second child has learned.

Now, as a “wiser” parent the second time around, I have definitely learned that letting go means gaining some independence, so my parenting style has been altered, which also contributes to his skill development.  However, the safety of the gym, with its heavily padded equipment and floors, has made for a fun place for him to learn balance, agility, stamina, strength, and yes, falling.

I could do many of the same things his “coach” at the gym does with my son on our own time, but he gets such a kick out of using the equipment, being with a new little group of pals, and spreading his wings a bit more.  And besides, my home and yard aren’t nearly as much fun to fall gracefully upon.